Why Dependency Feels Like the Problem — But Isn’t
A participant asks Parth:
“Is dependency the cause of a conditioned mind? And how do we break it?”
Parth: Let us first understand this—dependency is not a crime, nor is it a spiritual failure.
If you are breathing, you are dependent—on air.
If you are alive, you are dependent—on food, water, earth, and a million invisible forces.
Dependency is Without this, I am not okay. This is born from fear and accumulated memory, not from reality.
So clearly, dependency itself cannot be the problem. Otherwise, existence would be a mistake.
The real issue is not dependency on life.
The issue is psychological dependency—where something outside you becomes responsible for what happens inside you.
Why People Get It Wrong
Most people look at their suffering and say:
“I am dependent on people.”
“I am dependent on money.”
“I am dependent on medicine.”
“I am dependent on security.”
And they decide:
“If I remove this dependency, I will be free.”
This is like breaking the mirror because you don’t like your face.
Dependency is not the root.
Dependency is the symptom.
What Actually Creates a Conditioned Mind
A conditioned mind is created when:
memory runs your present,
fear decides your future,
survival instincts enter areas where intelligence should function.
When this happens, the mind looks for something to lean on.
That leaning is what you call dependency.
So dependency does not create conditioning.
Conditioning creates dependency.
Why Dependency Complicates Everything
Dependency becomes a convenient distraction.
Instead of asking:
“Why am I afraid?”
“Why am I insecure?”
“Why do I not trust life?”
People ask:
“How do I become independent?”
This is a much more comfortable question.
Because becoming “independent” sounds heroic.
Looking at your fear does not.
So people change relationships, jobs, cities, beliefs—
but the same dependency quietly relocates.
Is Independence the Solution?
Not really.
Many people who shout “I am independent” are just dependent on their idea of independence.
One depends by clinging.
The other depends by resisting.
Both are reactions.
Neither is freedom.
Then What Is Freedom?
Freedom is not removing support.
Freedom is not needing support to manage your inner state.
You can:
have relationships without fear of loss,
use money without being shaped by it,
take medicine without storing memory,
seek guidance without surrendering intelligence.
This is not detachment.
This is intelligent involvement.
How Dependency Actually Dissolves
Not by fighting it.
Not by shaming it.
Not by replacing it.
Dependency dissolves the moment you stop using the outside to fix the inside.
When fear arises and you don’t immediately escape.
When insecurity surfaces and you don’t outsource it.
When uncertainty appears and you stay present.
In that moment, conditioning loosens its grip.
(Laugh...) If dependency was the real problem, monks would be the healthiest people on the planet.
They are not.
If independence was freedom, billionaires would be enlightened.
They are clearly not.
So let us stop these childish conclusions.
Insight:
“Dependency does not bind you.
Fear of losing what you depend on does.”
“Freedom is not about standing alone,
but about standing without fear.”
When you see this clearly, you don’t have to break dependency.
It simply becomes irrelevant.
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