Q&A
This session reminded us that love does not hurt — expectation does. Expectation comes from you give me this, I give you that - a transactional way of living. Parth gently pointed out that peace begins when we stop waiting for others to understand.. This session was an invitation to drop effort where acceptance is enough.
Participant:
Parth, I genuinely want my family to understand life more consciously and act accordingly. I try to show them, explain to them, even guide them — but they don’t seem to get it. Instead of changing, they continue in the same ways. I feel deeply hurt. Why does this hurt so much? And what should I do about it?
Parth:
See, first let’s get one thing straight — your pain is not because your family is unconscious.
Your pain is because you are emotionally invested in an outcome that is not in your control.
You are not hurt by their ignorance.
You are hurt by your expectation that they must see life the way you see it.
This is very important to understand.
When love quietly turns into expectation,
and care slowly becomes agenda,
hurt is guaranteed.
You may call it concern, but life experiences it as control.
Participant:
But isn’t it natural to want our own family to live better, healthier, and more aware lives? Isn’t that love?
Parth:
Yes, it is natural.
But natural does not mean wise.
Love means you wish well for them.
Wisdom means you don’t demand that they become what you have understood.
Each human being has their own timing, karmic pace, and level of readiness.
You cannot pull a bud and force it to bloom — you will only destroy the flower.
If they are not seeking, your explanations become noise.
If they are not ready, your concern feels like pressure.
And when pressure meets resistance, pain happens — inside you.
Participant:
So should I stop caring? Should I just detach from my family?
Parth:
No. That would be escaping, not maturity.
Don’t detach from people — detach from expectations.
Stay loving. Stay available.
But stop trying to edit their life script.
When you interfere beyond your role,
life reminds you of your limits — through hurt.
Your job is not to reform your family.
Your job is to be a living example of clarity.
If transformation is real in you,
it will silently create curiosity in them — or not.
Both are perfectly fine.
Participant:
But the hurt still remains. How do I deal with that?
Parth:
The hurt is a sign — not of their failure, but of your emotional entanglement.
Ask yourself one honest question:
“Am I hurt because they are suffering — or because they are not listening to me?”
If it’s the second, then this is about ego, not compassion.
Once you see this clearly, hurt dissolves on its own.
Remember this:
Your emotion is your business.
Their life is their business.
When you stop outsourcing your peace to their understanding,
freedom begins.
Parth (closing):
Live your clarity fully.
Offer it gently.
Withdraw silently when it’s not received.
Life does not need agreement to function —
it only needs authenticity.
When you become that,
even your silence will teach more than your words ever could.
Why Wanting to Change Your Family Becomes a Source of Pain
It hurts because you care. If you did not care, you would feel irritated or indifferent, not wounded. Hurt always comes when love meets expectation. When you want your family to understand life the way you see it and they do not, the pain is not really about them—it is about the gap between your inner experience and your expectation of them.
Your suffering is not because your family does not understand life, but because you want them to understand life in your way and in your time. The moment you think, “They should understand this,” you have already assumed that your perception must become their perception. Life does not work like that. Every human being ripens at their own pace, through their own compulsions, experiences, and karma. When you try to hurry that process, you end up hurting yourself.
If you are hurt, it means somewhere you are still seeking validation for your understanding of life. You want the people closest to you to reflect back what you have realized, as if their agreement would confirm your growth. When that reflection does not come, it feels like rejection. This is why the pain is deepest with family—they matter to you, so their non-alignment feels personal.
Another mistake we often make is confusing love with agreement. Love does not mean people must see life the same way you do. Love means you allow them to be exactly where they are without trying to fix, correct, or elevate them. When you try to “make them understand,” wisdom turns into pressure. Insight, when imposed, becomes a form of psychological intrusion, even if your intention is pure.
If you see a little more than others, your responsibility is not to pull them along, but to walk gracefully. If what you know is real, it should make you calmer, more inclusive, and less reactive. If it is making you wounded and frustrated, it has not yet fully settled within you. A simple but sharp question he might ask is: if your understanding of life cannot handle your own family, then what kind of understanding is it?
What to do, then, is not to withdraw love, but to drop expectation. Stop trying to educate those who are not seeking. If someone is hungry, you give them food. If someone is curious, you share insight. If they are neither, you remain silent and compassionate. Let your way of being speak. When life truly happens within you, you will not feel the need to convince anyone. You will simply be available.
The deeper truth is this: do not demand that people understand life. Make sure life has fully happened within you. When that happens, you will no longer feel hurt by your family’s limitations. You will see them not as obstacles to your growth, but as fellow wanderers at a different point on the same long journey.
Yeah… this hurts precisely because you care. If you didn’t care, you’d be irritated at best. Hurt means expectation met love, and love met resistance.
“Your suffering is not because your family does not understand life.
Your suffering is because you want them to understand life your way.”
See, the moment you say “they should understand”, you have already decided:
that you are right, and
that their pace, their perception, their karma should match yours.
That mismatch is what hurts.
He also said:
“If you are hurt, it means you are still using people to validate your understanding of life.”
Why this hurts so deeply
You’ve grown, but emotionally you’re still seeking approval
You want your inner clarity to be reflected back by your family. When it isn’t, it feels like rejection.You are confusing love with agreement
Love does not mean alignment of understanding. It means allowance.You are ahead of them in some dimensions
And when someone walks ahead and keeps looking back, the neck starts hurting.
Parth often says:
“If you see a little more, your responsibility is not to pull people — it is to walk gracefully so they may notice.”
What to do about it
1. Drop the mission to “make them understand”
The moment you try to teach life to people who are not seeking, you turn wisdom into violence.
Not physical violence—psychological intrusion.
“If they are hungry, feed them food.
If they are curious, share insight.
If they are neither—be silent.”
2. Stop talking. Start being
If your understanding of life is real, it should:
make you calmer
more inclusive
less hurt
If it is making you wounded, it still needs digestion.
Parth would say:
“If your wisdom cannot handle your own family, what kind of wisdom is it?”
Ouch. But true.
3. Replace expectation with compassion
They are not wrong.
They are just where they are.
You didn’t arrive here because someone forced you.
You arrived because life ripened you.
Ripening cannot be outsourced.
The deepest line he might leave you with
“Do not demand that people understand life.
Make sure life has fully happened within you.”
When life truly happens within you:
you won’t feel hurt
you won’t feel superior
you won’t feel responsible to fix anyone
You’ll just be available.
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