Marriage or Moksha? — First Decide What You Actually Want
Someone asked me,
“If I’m on the spiritual path… should I marry?”
See, the moment this question appears, spirituality has not yet happened — philosophy has happened.
Because spirituality is an inward journey.
Marriage is an outward arrangement.
They only clash when your spirituality lives in your head, not in your being.
You say, “I want freedom… but I also want marriage.”
That simply means you want liberation — with room service.
The Real Confusion
When you step onto a spiritual path, it means you have decided to move toward the ultimate — consciously.
Now there are only two ways to travel:
Walk directly toward it
Open a tea stall midway and call it life experience
Both are fine. Existence has no problem.
Only you are suffering because you want enlightenment and entertainment in equal installments.
Spirituality means:
You ride the material world consciously.
Unconscious living means:
You don’t even know whether you are going forward or backward — but you are very busy.
So the real question is not:
“Should I marry or remain spiritual?”
The real question is:
“Do I want intelligence — or do I want ignorance comfortably?”
Because you cannot consciously choose unconsciousness.
That is like saying,
“I want to be fully awake… but please keep my dreams running.”
The Midway Party
Many people want a beautiful balance:
Little meditation
Little attachment
Little awareness
Little drama
This is not balance.
This is confusion decorated as maturity.
Either you are moving toward awareness —
or you are decorating your cage.
Calling the cage family life, career, renunciation, or freedom makes no difference.
A golden cage is still excellent imprisonment.
So… Should You Marry?
Now listen carefully.
If the thought of marriage keeps coming,
you must get married.
Not because marriage is spiritual —
but because your desire is unfinished.
Avoiding marriage will not make you free.
It will only make you a monk outside and a householder inside — the most complicated species on the planet.
You will sit in meditation thinking about enlightenment…
and grocery lists will achieve enlightenment before you do.
Why Marriage Becomes Necessary
Marriage is not bondage.
Marriage is exposure.
Two different dimensions of energies come together — suddenly all your hidden nonsense comes to the surface:
possessiveness
insecurity
expectations
fear
control
dependency
Everything you carefully hid under incense sticks and meditation music will come out in high definition.
Life is now your guru.
This friction is integration.
Without integration, spirituality becomes imagination.
The Danger of Escaping Life
If you avoid marriage while desire still exists, you will spend your life convincing yourself:
“I have transcended.”
No.
You have postponed.
Unless divine intervention happens — which requires an extremely intense being — the mind will keep its unfinished business alive.
That path needs a very hard nut.
Right now, you are still emotionally soft — like a smoothie trying to become a mountain.
So don’t escape life. Experience it consciously.
The Turning Point
If you live fully aware within involvement, something beautiful happens.
One day detachment will not be discipline —
it will be intelligence.
You will not renounce life.
You will simply see its limits.
Just like a child outgrows toys — not by suppression, but by understanding.
That day spirituality enters your heart.
Not because you avoided the world…
but because you understood it completely.
So the question is not marriage or no marriage.
The question is:
Are you done with ignorance — or are you still negotiating with it?
If you are still negotiating, live it consciously.
One day you won’t leave the world.
The world will quietly leave you.
See, when someone feels a strong pull toward marriage, it is rarely about love first — it is about comfort.
I am not against marriage.
I am only saying: emotionally, you are still not complete with yourself.
Why?
Because the last emotion that leaves a human being is fear.
As long as fear is alive, the mind looks for arrangements — not truth.
You want security.
Security in money.
Security in career.
Security in relationships.
Security in family.
Marriage is simply a more elegant security system.
You are not really asking for a partner —
you are asking for protection from uncertainty.
You don’t want to walk alone, so you create a structure where someone walks with you — not just in this life, psychologically you want support across lifetimes.
Then at the same time you say,
“I want enlightenment.”
You want liberation — but with insurance coverage.
There is no such thing.
Marriage is a psychological game — but an existential event.
Psychologically, you are trying to feel safe.
Existentially, life is throwing you into involvement.
But spirituality means you want to strip off your psychology and stand naked in front of life — without the armor of identities, roles, and emotional guarantees.
If you still need guarantees, you are not seeking truth — you are seeking comfort decorated as spirituality.
Whether it is money, job, marriage, or social status — fundamentally it is the same movement:
Fear trying to organize existence into predictability.
Nothing wrong with it.
Just don’t call it spiritual seeking.
Spirituality begins the moment you are willing to face life as it is, not as it feels safe.
So the choice is simple:
Either you walk consciously — even if alone.
Or you walk with the crowd — comfortably.
Walking with the mass is not a mistake.
It only means the decision is not total yet.
Spirituality is not belief, philosophy, or culture.
Spirituality means you are ready to drop psychological coverings
and stand absolutely exposed before existence.
When people enter marriage, most of the time they are not entering another human being’s life —
they are entering a psychological contract.
Now your thoughts, emotions, reactions, even your silence, all have consequences.
Before marriage you can sit quietly — people will say, “He is thoughtful.”
After marriage you sit quietly — immediately, “What happened? Problem? You changed?”
(Laughter)
Because now you are not just a person.
You have become an expectation.
To be married means you are deeply invested in your own psychology — and someone else’s psychology.
If one day you show a small sign of detachment, the system becomes alert.
With family, maybe you withdraw a little — they will react, they may even disown you, but slowly they get busy with their own lives.
But if your partner senses you are inwardly loosening your identity — finished.
You will never dare to go there again.
So naturally you learn adjustment.
Not just adjustment — participation.
You align with the system:
the way society functions,
the way elders demonstrated life should be lived,
decorations, rituals, ceremonies, traditions…
All beautiful things — but mostly used as emotional management technology.
Not for transcendence, but for agreement.
The purpose unconsciously becomes:
keep the psychological comfort running without disturbance.
Every human being somewhere wants to experience life as it is — not as their mental story.
But when the psychological structure becomes too tight, they look for small exits.
After marriage you will hear people saying:
“I want to go to the Himalayas.”
Or today — parties, alcohol, intoxication, distractions.
Why?
For a few hours they want freedom from their own mental drama.
Not liberation — just interval.
For two hours the mind becomes loose, identity becomes flexible, and they feel relief.
Because existence is vast — psychology is small.
Whenever the small becomes suffocating, human beings search for a crack in the wall.
Spirituality is not escaping marriage, nor escaping society.
Spirituality means you don’t need intoxication, distance, or withdrawal to be free from your own psychological structure.
You can be involved — yet untouched.
If involvement becomes imprisonment, you create entertainment.
If involvement becomes conscious, it becomes liberation.
So the question is not marriage or no marriage.
The question is:
Are you living by awareness — or by psychological compulsion?
One binds.
The other includes everything, yet leaves you free.
Comments
Post a Comment